I don’t love making phone calls. And the call itself is never the problem. Once someone picks up, I’m fine. It’s the moment before that gets me.
When I have a call to make, I find seventeen other things to do first. Water the plants, organize my desk, all the other things on my to-do list (well, there are many more than seventeen things on my to-do list, but that’s a topic for another day.) By the time I’ve worked through them, the call has grown in my head into something much bigger than a five-minute conversation.
Then I make the call. It’s fine. It’s almost always fine.
The task isn’t the heavy part
For me, it is that the weight isn’t in the work. It’s in the gap between deciding to do something and actually starting. The phone call. The email you keep moving to tomorrow. Any one of them takes a few minutes. The dread around it can take the whole afternoon.
If you do this too, you’re in good company.
What the research says
Psychologists Fuschia Sirois and Timothy Pychyl looked at this in a 2013 review. They argue that procrastination has a lot to do with mood. When a task makes us uneasy, putting it off gives quick relief. The cost lands on our future self, who still has to make the call, now with less time and more stress.
That was oddly reassuring to read. The avoiding is a feeling to work with, not a flaw in who you are.
There’s good news on the starting side too. Peter Gollwitzer and Paschal Sheeran reviewed 94 studies on what they call implementation intentions: deciding ahead of time exactly when, where, and how you’ll act. People who made that kind of specific plan were more likely to follow through than people who only intended to, and the effect was a meaningful one.
Making the moment before smaller
Here are a few things that help me. Take what’s useful and leave the rest.
- Decide the when and where ahead of time. Not “I’ll call this week.” More like “Tuesday at 10, at my desk, before I open email.” When the moment comes, the decision is already made.
- Shrink the first step. You don’t have to finish anything. Find the phone number. Open the document. Starting small still counts as starting.
- Count yourself in. When I overthink getting started, a countdown helps. Five, four, three, two, one. It’s like a tiny coach saying just do it.
Starting is easier with company
This is a big part of how we do things at Cup of Accountabili’Tea. Our Pop-up Power Hour is an hour of work alongside other women, with very little conversation. Midweek Momentum is two hours of focused co-working. When other people are quietly getting started too, the moment before gets a lot smaller.
On Fridays at Community Circle, 2:00 p.m. ET, we reflect on the week, celebrate wins, and set goals for the week ahead. Saying the hard thing out loud to a group makes it easier to actually start it.
Start where you are
The call is probably still waiting. Mine usually is too. You don’t have to feel ready first. Getting to the first ring is enough.
You don’t have to do it alone. Join us for a Friday Community Circle.
Sources
- Sirois, F. M., & Pychyl, T. A. (2013). Procrastination and the priority of short-term mood regulation: Consequences for future self. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 7(2), 115 to 127. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12011 (open copy: White Rose Research Online)
- Gollwitzer, P. M., & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69 to 119. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38002-1 (open copy: KOPS, University of Konstanz)