The funny thing about accountability partnerships is that they don’t always end because something went wrong. Sometimes they just turn into really good conversations, and somewhere along the way, the thing you were supposed to be working on gets lost.
It may go something like this:
Step 1. Find an accountability partner. Maybe a friend you call your accountability buddy, or someone you just met who’s starting something too.
Step 2. Pick a day. Put the calls on the calendar.
Step 3. Finally, get this thing moving.
Then Somebody Gets Busy
You both came to those first calls with something you were working on. She was rebuilding her website, you were finally pulling together the plan you’d been circling since spring, and you each had something you wanted to finish before the next call. When the following week came around, you talked about what you’d managed to get done and what was still left.
Then one week she opened with “How’s it going?” and you told her everything. I mean everything: the kitchen faucet, your mother’s new phone, your garden. Then she told you about hers. It was a good conversation, and you hung up feeling better, but later realized neither of you had mentioned the plan once.
Once, that’s nothing, but three weeks running… it’s now the format. The calls still happen, and they still feel good, but you spend less and less time checking in until eventually it’s just, “Wait, how’s that thing going?” as you’re saying goodbye.
I don’t think either of you actually decides to stop holding the other accountable. You’re having a conversation, and steering it back can feel a little awkward, like pulling your phone out while someone is telling you a story, so neither of you does.
Her schedule changes, or your work picks up, and you skip a week, then another, and eventually the calls just fall off the calendar. The thing you were working on goes quiet with them.
If you’ve ever tried to find the exact day you stopped, well, you know how that goes. 🙂
Just the Two of Us
When it’s just the two of you, the conversation can go wherever it goes that day, and the check-in only happens if one of you brings it back around. When one of you steps away for a while, there’s no one else expecting that check-in.
Widening the Circle
When you’re thinking about who your accountability partner should be, the usual advice is to find someone reliable, someone who’ll be honest with you and follow through. That’s good advice. But it’s also worth considering whether you want to rely on one person or have different people to turn to.
There’s something different about having more people in the conversation. You have women who want to hear how things are going, and you get to be that person for them, too. You also get the perspectives of different people: someone might ask a question you hadn’t thought of or share an experience that makes you look at something differently. Sara explores another side of that connection in Community Over Competition.
If You’re Keeping It Just the Two of You
Maybe the two of you are perfectly happy working together, and you don’t need a different arrangement. But if your check-ins have turned into catch-up calls, it might be worth having a conversation about that. Catching up is part of why it works. But you both started this for a reason, and somewhere along the way, that part got lost. You could even agree that either of you can say, “Okay, the thing,” when the conversation wanders, without it being awkward.
If you’d like to figure things out alongside other women who are doing the same, you can join us at Cup of Accountabili’Tea.
Lisa